Silver and Gold 4/? DH Spoilers
SPOILERS FOR DH



Title: Silver and Gold 4/?
Author: Eriador117
Rating: NC-17, Snape/Harry, other pairings.
Spoilers up to and including Deathly Hallows
Summary: Things are never quite what they seem. Epilogue, what epilogue? ;)
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Potterverse, I'm just playing in it.
Beta'd by Rakina, many thanks :)
Warnings: AU, Angst, Mpreg, Under 18 (briefly). There are some other things I am not warning for as it will give away the plot and I myself don't exactly know where the story is going yet.

A/N: Last part for this week, we're away for the weekend again, LOL!

Earlier Parts

Part Four


Harry slept on for a few more hours after Hagrid left the infirmary and as much as Severus wanted to give the boy a very good talking too, he wasn't going to disturb his much needed rest in order to do so. Poppy came in to give Severus his lunch and his discharge orders, but Severus wasn't leaving until Harry Potter was awake and fully able to grasp Severus' wrath. He hadn't told Poppy what Harry had tried to do; Severus didn't think having Harry locked up in St. Mungo's would help at this juncture. He wasn't sure what would.

Severus had never been a stranger to despair and more than once his mind had wandered to his potions and the ones that would have meant a quick and painless end. But never in his wildest dreams had he considered that Harry Potter might try to take his own life. Especially now that Voldemort was gone and Harry hadn't even needed to use an Unforgivable to do it. Maybe the losses of so many people he knew were affecting Harry more than they'd considered. Grief could do strange things to a man's mind and Severus was determined to get to the bottom of this.

Maybe Harry would like to go and visit his relatives; they were in a safe house the Auror division had arranged but now that the threat of Voldemort had passed they would be able to move back to Surrey. Perhaps Harry was getting homesick, although he'd never shown any sign of that before.

After lunch, Minerva came in to visit. On seeing Harry Potter lying on Severus' bed, her eyebrows rose up so far they almost became part of her hairline. Severus wondered what would have happened if she'd arrived when Severus had still been in the bed. Severus was sitting up and dressed, really just waiting for Harry to wake.

"Severus, I wondered if I might have a word?" asked Minerva, waving to the other side of the room so that their discussion would not wake Harry. Severus was only too happy to move. The less Harry was disturbed the better.

"Of course, Headmistress," said Severus. His own duties as Headmaster had been blessedly brief; it wasn't a job he was suited to. But of course Voldemort had wanted it and what Voldemort wanted, he got. Or at least he had when he'd still been alive.

"I was wondering what you were thinking of doing now," began Minerva. "Horace is quite keen to stay as the Potions professor, so I was wondering if you would care to become the Defence teacher again? The jinx has been lifted now that You Know Who is dead."

"I'll have to think about it, Minerva. I hadn't really given the future much thought to be honest; I didn't think I would survive."

She blushed and then mumbled something.

"Sorry, I didn't quite catch that."

"I'm afraid I owe you an apology as well. For calling you a coward. After all you've done, Severus, I wouldn't be surprised if there was an Order of Merlin for you."

"I have no use for trinkets," said Severus, although he couldn't help feeling a little bit flattered that she would think of it. "Will Horace still be Head of Slytherin?"

"He is enjoying it; but the final decision will be up to me. We do have another opening for a Head of House, as I can no longer be both. A bit of a conflict of interests, wouldn't you say? How would you feel about becoming Head of Gryffindor House?"

"Gryffindor?" Severus spluttered. "Is that a joke? I was a Slytherin!"

"It's not a joke, Severus. Things change and they need to. I thought it was a very good idea myself. Maybe it will help us all get over this enmity once and for all. Or maybe I'll just do away with the Houses altogether!"

"You can't do that! Hogwarts has always had Houses! It's traditional!"

"So was beheading house elves and mounting them on the wall, but we don't do that at Hogwarts either. It's really up to you, Severus. If we don't have four Heads of House, then maybe we shouldn't have Houses."

"I didn't say no, Minerva. You just sprung it on me. Did Albus give you lessons?"

Minerva smiled, as well she might. Severus had never had a real home other than Hogwarts and even if it meant he was to be the Head of Gryffindor House, he was tempted by the offer if he chose to stay.

"Well, have a think about it and if you could let me know your decision by the end of July at least, then if I need to get someone else I'll have some time to do so. It's good to see you up and about. If you don't mind me asking, why is Harry asleep in your bed?"

"He needed the rest," said Severus. They had done nothing wrong, school wasn't in session, Severus was not currently one of the staff and since Harry had not decided whether he was going to continue with his education he wasn't technically a student either.

"I see," she said in a clipped tone. "I wonder if he might not have been happier staying at The Burrow than here during the summer. He's probably a bit lonely." In other words if he wasn't, he wouldn't be spending time with you.

"Thank you, Minerva," said Severus, chivvying her along to the door so quickly that she was out and the door had closed behind her in a matter of moments.

When Severus turned back round, Harry was slowing coming to and rubbing his eyes free from sleep. He fumbled about on the bedside cabinet for his glasses. When he saw Severus glowering at him from the door, his face – already pale – took on a hue more commonly seen in a bowl of porridge.

"Mr. Potter. You have some explaining to do," said Severus without preamble. "What on Earth were you thinking? The lake?"

"Hagrid told you?"

"He had to tell someone! You are a danger to yourself. What were you thinking?"

"Nothing. I didn't want to think," he admitted softly. Severus sat down on the chair by the side of the bed; it was the very chair Harry had occupied for most of Severus' stay in the infirmary. "You're dressed."

"An excellent deduction. I have been given leave to vacate the infirmary; you on the other hand should be tied to that bed and not let out until you come to your senses!"

The young man's lower lip trembled and then the floodgates opened; tears dropped down his cheeks as he fought for breath enough to yell: "What would you care? You hate me! They'll all hate me now!" Harry sobbed, wrapping his arms around his midriff, as if he expected the only comfort would come from himself.

Severus didn't know what made him do it; whether it was just seeing the boy's obvious distress or knowing that he had caused at least part of it, but he got up from the chair and settled himself on the bed next to Harry, wrapping the weeping boy in his arms. Harry's whole body shook as he cried and cried. "Ssh, Harry. It'll be all right. Ssh. Ssh." Severus rocked Harry gently against him, but Harry didn't seem to calm much.

"Harry, no one is going to hate you."

"They will! They will!" shrieked Harry. "He was in me! He was in me! He was inside me!"

"I know, but it's all right now. He's gone, Harry. The Dark Lord won't be able to hurt you ever again."

Harry gasped in surprise. He looked up at Severus, his tears silvery tracks on his cheeks. "You knew I was a Horcrux? That his soul was inside me? And you're still touching me?"

"Dumbledore had suspected it for a long time," said Severus. "He confided as much to me."

"But if he's gone, then who am I?" asked Harry so plaintively that Severus felt an ache in his chest. "I don't know who I am."

"You're Harry," said Severus. "Just Harry."

***

Harry wasn't sure how long he lay weeping in Professor Snape's arms and he wondered why the man wasn't angrier at him, at what he'd tried to do. The hugs in Harry's life had been few and far between and he clung onto Snape as if he was afraid to let go. His hands were cramping as he clutched at Snape's robes, but Harry still couldn't make himself let go. He waited to be shouted at, berated for his weakness at breaking down and sobbing, but it never came.

Instead, he felt hands caressing his head and Harry had never felt such comfort before as Snape whispered words in a soothing tone. The Dursleys had never done that.

"Harry, now that Voldemort is gone, your relatives can return home whenever they wish. For the same reason, there is no danger if you wish to return to Surrey and visit them."

"No!" said Harry quickly, pulling away from Snape as far as he could get without falling off the bed. "No, I don't want to see them."

"Harry, it's all right. They aren't in any danger; you don't need to fear for their safety."

"I'm of age; I'm never going back there ever again. You can't make me!"

"That's true; I just thought you might like to see them. It might make you feel better. If you were feeling homesick..."

"Homesick? That's what you think this is about? That I'm homesick?" asked Harry. "Privet Drive was never my home. Accio Harry's first Hogwarts letter."

A few moments later, the crumpled envelope and parchment zoomed in through one of the open windows. Harry thrust the letter into Snape's hand. Harry didn't need to read it; he knew what that envelope said.

</i>The Cupboard Under the Stairs.</i>

"I don't understand," said Snape. "What's this about a cupboard?"

"Privet Drive was never my home, Professor. It was my prison."

TBC